What is Feedback?
What are your thoughts on what feedback is? In my opinion, feedback is some thing we provide to others that we encounter for any different reason to help them be a better version of themselves by learning and growing. Feedback can be positive so that we can recognize and celebrate others when they do something impactful or beneficial for themselves or someone else. Providing positive recognition motivates the person to keep doing what they’re doing which intern provides a greater impact on the world around us. I’m sure we can all agree that we need a lot more of this in our current society! So, if you see someone doing good around you, call them out for it. Many times people don’t receive this type of feedback, and they never realize the impact they have on others.
For those of you that have children, what if we never praised our kids, would they ever know they’re doing a good job? Would they know what they just did was right or helpful so they repeat those behaviors? Consider what it would do to one’s self esteem to hear positive feedback?! Hearing this from someone else can quiet our inner saboteurs or inner critic as some call it. We all know we are own worst critic, right? So sometimes we need people in our corner to RALLY for us. When we want to see good behaviors or actions repeated, give praise to reinforce that behavior.
Feedback can also be constructive or corrective. I know this can be hard to give and to receive, I too have feelings of angst when I have to give feedback. I don’t think it’s ever easy but I do believe it gets easier with practice. The conversations will never be identical, as people are all different, and may react differently (more on receiving feedback below). The one thing that always helps when giving feedback to someone is knowing and telling myself that my intentions are pure, that I genuinely care about the person, and my feedback is always in service of that person to help them grow. I will stop here and point out that if your feedback is not in service of helping the other person, it is not constructive or corrective feedback – I would consider that straight criticism.
Tips on Giving Someone Feedback:
- Write out your thoughts first. Give yourself time to process what took place so that you can share the feedback from a place of care for the other person, not anger or frustration.
- Give feedback within a couple days of an observable behavior – not necessarily in the same moment or the same day – as you’ll want to organize your thoughts. Think about what it would feel like if someone came to you six months later to tell you why they haven’t been speaking to you? You would wonder why did you wait so long to tell me.
- Find the right setting (in private, scheduled, over lunch, etc.) Don’t do it in front of others. Feedback should be in person. Texts and emails are misconstrued and even the virtual setting has a delayed response and just doesn’t provide the same value. By using alternate communication other than in person makes it harder to create a safe space for both of you if one of emailing when convenient for them and it may be a terrible time for the other person to read that.
- Safely open the conversation “May I offer you some feedback that I noticed at our family dinner last?” You can even tell them that this is to help them. Get specific so they don’t have to ask for details, but by you telling them the factual information, you are already putting their mind right back in that moment.
- Share how the behavior you observed makes you feel. By sharing your feelings, one cannot debate or argue. I will add, there are some caveats here like ensuring it’s a behavior you observed audibly or visually, otherwise it could be an internal conflict of a story we told ourselves and believe happened. I talk more about this in my 1:1 coaching and team facilitation sessions.
- Be mindful of your body language, and facial expressions. This honestly will take some practice. If you are like me, a recovering perfectionist, type one on the Enneagram, I can come off overly critical to others by my directness and precise speaking. I just want to get it right is all. I also do not really show emotion in my face, therefore many times people think I am mad, even if I’m just sitting and working. If this is you, my suggestion is that you use your words to articulate how you are feeling if the feeling or tone is not expressed with your face or body language. Tell them that your feedback approach is not perfect but you are working on it and don’t want to miss the opportunity to help benefit them in their own growth so you are going to say it and it may not come out the right way, but know that it comes from a place of genuine and honest care for them.
- After you provide the feedback, which really only needs to take a few seconds or a couple minutes; it doesn’t need to be drawn out, ask them how they’re feeling and then listen without interrupting.
- Determine together clear and accountable next steps forward.
Tips on Receiving Feedback from Someone:
- Keep in your mind, the person providing you feedback prepared for this, and it took a lot to come to you and address it personally. The purpose of feedback is to help you.
- Listen to their feedback without interrupting or defending yourself.
- Be open to the Feedback, and know that it is always in service of helping you improve a skill set.
- Be thankful for the feedback received and articulate that to the person in words. Again, giving feedback is awkward for most people, and it can take a lot of energy to get to that conversation. This includes when the feedback is positive recognition. Many of us are uncomfortable with praise. It is important to acknowledge and celebrate yourself when someone brings you that positive feedback. It motivates us to continue doing the good work. So don’t brush it off as if it’s nothing because again that person wanted you to know that feedback for a reason.
All of this to say my hope for our society and our world is that we can continue or start giving people valuable feedback all the time so that we don’t live in a world that people are constantly defensive or on edge when someone is honest with them, or in the alternative, that someone is afraid to provide feedback, and instead shuts down and becomes unhappy internally to the point where they stop speaking to their family member, their co-worker, their friend, or they quit their job, or they blow up at their kids. It’s for our own mental health as well.
How can Coaching Help Us?
Working with a Life Coach will inspire you with guidance, advocacy and actionable challenges to make moves. This includes action on giving someone feedback when necessary. As a Coach, we are in your corner and we will provide you honest and vulnerable feedback as well to serve you in your journey of growth. I am so passionate about sharing the benefits of feedback and I’d love the opportunity help others more directly by coaching the topic or even the skill of giving/receiving feedback. If this topic resonates with you and you’d like to hear more about coaching with me, feel free to contact me at meaghan@meaghanscott.com or click here to setup a free 15-minute call with me.
Make it a Great Day,
Meaghan
